Twas The Risky Night Before Christmas: A Christmas Insurance Story

 ‘Twas the night before Christmas (12:01 a.m. 12/25) and all through the house (single family, joisted masonry, e.c.3, terr. 44, pc5), not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse (thorough pride of ownership and excellent maintenance).

The (flame-retardant) stockings were hung by the (contractor-installed) chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there (in spite of deadbolt locks and central station alarm system).

The children (ages 4, 8, 14, & 16) were all nestled snug in their beds (check MVR on 16-year-old) while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads (check for drug use).

Ma in her kerchief (scheduled heirloom) and I in my cap (no slave to fashion) had just settled down for a long winter’s nap. (Check employment, is insured sleeping all day?)

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter (check into condition of premises, housekeeping, etc.), I jumped out of bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash, threw back the curtains and tore open the sash (intentional destructive act, no coverage; also, appears insured only wearing a cap in front of uncovered window).

When what to my wondrous eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. (check if sleigh is rated business use and corporate owned.) With a little old driver so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. (Notify life underwriting, order medical on 600-year-old driver).

More rapid than eagles (check MVR for speeding violations) his coursers they came and he whistled and shouted and called them by name (possible aggressive driver).

Now Dasher (turbo equipped?), now Dancer (classic?), now Prancer (check occupation), now Vixen (definitely check occupation), on Comet (possible muscle deer), on Cupid (check credit score), on Donner (4×4) and Blitzen (possible drinking problem?).

To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall (check for structural damage; also look into height exposures), now dash away, dash away, dash away all (old man climbing walls either in great shape or overly medicated).

So up to the housetop his coursers they flew, with a sleigh full of toys and Saint Nicholas, too. (Check for possible retail delivery classification of autos). And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof, the prancing and pawing of each little hoof. (Check for shingle damage; also classification of operations—roofing is a prohibited class).

As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney he came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur (scheduled items) from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot. (Part-time job as firefighter?)

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back. (Check to see if insured has safety committee; check lifting training). His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry, his cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry (order updated medical report, possible drinking and/or drug abuse).

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth (ineligible for nonsmoker discount) and the smoke encircled his head like a wreath (check batteries in smoke detectors to make sure operational).

He was chubby and plump a right jolly elf (overweight for height) and I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself. A wink of his eye and a nod of his head soon gave me reason I had nothing to dread (Stranger enters past alarm and insured not worried? Sounds suspicious.)

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stocking, then turned with a jerk (review workplace for ergonomic compliance).

And laying his finger aside of his nose (obscene gesture?), and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose. (Check operations, chimney sweeps are prohibited classification, look into GL PD deductible.)

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew like the down of a thistle (not likely with fat man and sleigh full of toys. Check GVW for proper classification, light/service/local seems unlikely).

And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!” (Check hours of operation; 24-hour service operations prohibited. Also check into seasonal nature of business.)

NOTE: ORDER NEW LOSS CONTROL REPORT. DIARY FOR 07/01/06 TO DISCUSS WITH AGENT.

Source: Unknown. With apologies to Clement Moore.